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[Cw: unpopular subjects, mental illness, non-emergency talk of suicidal ideation]

Struggle with. Fight. Even suffer from, sometimes.

When someone tells you they are DOING any of these things, in regards to suicidal ideation or self-hatred or illness or social stigma or any other kind of burden, pay attention.

I don't mean "pay attention" like report their post or tell them to get help or any of that stuff. Different actions are situationally appropriate, but many times over-the-top reactions just make someone want to stop confiding in anyone.

What I mean by "pay attention" is this: a person who is struggling with suicidal ideation is not trying to die, they're trying to live. A person fighting self-hatred is battling FOR self-love, not rejecting or ignoring it. A person suffering from an illness is in pain, not beyond help.

One of the most common reactions I have gotten to talking about suicidal ideation is "why do you want to die?"

Simple answer: I don't.

Harder answer: my history of trauma, unstable relationships and financial situations, and health conditions conspire to exacerbate this symptom. Symptom, not desire, not wish, not life goal.

Hardest answer: I desperately, desperately want to live.

Struggle with. Fight. Without armor, without weapons, and often without proper treatment or support. Not just me, but millions of people all over the world, every day fighting battles AGAINST the things used to belittle us or question our worth.

A lot of my symptoms read as self-hatred, particularly certain lines I learned to say in times of stress. But don't be mistaken. I love the fuck out of myself, or I wouldn't still be doing this.

Just some food for thought, I guess. Go kiss a crazy person, we need it.