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Welcome to the elite troll team! Let's jump right into it! When composing your message:

A. First, rethink your username. "KlanFan2012" will blow your cover. Create a new username like "FunGunGuy69" or "SkeeterRULES" to lull people into thinking you're almost normal.

B. Start off using the standard template provided during your orientation. "I am an independent that likes to listen to both sides."

C. Define your issue. (If the thread isn't about your issue, don't worry, this will still work.) Say something like.... Actually, no. It's better if you don't address any issue directly. That might confuse you. Less is more when it comes to being coherent.

D. Choose your pet name for the president. Current popular options are: "Barry Soetero," "Obummer," and "Nobama." Never, ever call him "President Obama." Not if you want to collect your troll subsidy. You also need a name to call liberals. "Libtard" is really the best choice here.

E. The best right wing trolls work "blue." You get a bonus for racist remarks. Frankly, if you're not racist or a homophobe, you will not get the attention your comments so richly deserve.

F. Make stuff up. If you aren't able to think up your own lies, lies are provided for you daily by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and anyone on Fox News.

G. Close your message with a joke. Now is the time to pull out all the stops. Don't worry about spelling. Spelling is for sissies. You aren't a gay are you? The best jokes are racist, homophobic, or sexist. (Refer to E., above.) People love jokes about hurting people. Also, rape is really hot right now.

You'll be paid handsomely:

$0.10/post of 10 or more words
$0.10/reply to your post
$0.01/word for any of the following - racist, homophobic, or sexist slurs, name-calling, vague threats, and comments about Muslims or Jews. You're just keeping it real!

Just think, at $0.50/thread (And that's a conservative estimate because, well, we're conservative), if you comment on a mere 1,400 threads per day, in one year you'll have made $250,000! Better keep below that though, my friend. You don't want to get hit by one of Obama's tax hikes, do you? Heh heh heh.

Good luck out there Freedom Warrior! Happy trolling!

Your friends at the RNC.