1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Bystander Training: An example

"José recalled his mentor’s advice about networking, so when he was at the company’s holiday party and saw two colleagues talking to the regional Vice President, he walked right over to say hello. The VP responded, “Thanks, I’ll take another white wine please.” It took José a few stunned seconds to realize the VP had mistaken him for a waiter, and a few more stunned seconds to realize his two colleagues were not setting the record straight and introducing him."

"Bystander training that uses the above scenario would emphasize a range of responses that the two colleagues might use, in order to bring Jose into the conversation, save face for the Vice President, and/or show their own social adeptness at networking and connecting people.
One of Jose’s colleagues might say:
“I could use more white wine, too. Let’s find a waiter.” or
“You should talk to Jose about our Northeast accounts. I’ll try to find a waiter.” or
“Good idea. Jose, would you join us for a glass of wine, too? Let’s flag the waiter for four more glasses. So, have you met Jose? He’s a key player in Northeast accounts.”
Notice that these responses not only pivot the prejudiced assumption but bundle in a micro-affirmation. Practice makes it easier to respond, instead of freezing in stunned silence. The terms “civic courage” and “moral courage” are beginning to be applied to the actions of people on behalf of others in such situations."