Plurk paste

How to Listen When You Disagree: A Lesson from the Republican National Convention
你會如何聆聽你不同意的發言：從共和黨全國大會上學到的一課

July 27, 2016
by Benjamin Mathes


She was just staring at me.

她靜靜凝視著我。

She had something to say, and I could tell she was curious about the Free Listening sign, but she didn't seem to have to courage to speak to me.

她看起來有話想說，而我敢說她肯定對「免費傾聽」的標示充滿好奇，只是她似乎沒有勇氣向我搭話。

Yet.

至少目前還沒有。

So, I waited. Nowhere to be, and all day to get there.

所以，我只是等待著。反正我哪兒也不會去，一整天都會待在這裡。

It was so hot outside.

外頭真是熱斃了。

Finally, she walked up, and like a young warrior preparing for battle, she said:

終於，她走向我，像個準備好迎接戰鬥的年輕勇士，說：



“I don't usually do this, and I know this isn't a hot button topic anymore… But, I think abortion is wrong. It's not a form of birth control, and people who have them should be arrested for murder."

「我平常不會這樣做的，我也知道這話題早就被討論到爛了……不過，我認為墮胎是不對的。這不該是一個結育的方式，那些這麼做的人應該被以謀殺罪逮捕。」



Most protesters at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland were yelling about Donald Trump—for or against—all part of this beautiful circus of free speech.

這場在克里夫蘭舉行的共和黨全國代表大會的大部分抗議者們，不管是贊成還是反對的一方，都在為了川普的理論而爭論不休──整場辯論看起來簡直像是場馬戲團的表演。

She was different. There was no circus here. She was serious.

唯獨她與眾不同。這裡沒有任何人圍觀。而她十分嚴肅。

I had been Free Listening at the RNC for a few hours, and most people who spoke with me told me about their families, their jobs, and the things that brought them to Cleveland.

我已經在共和黨全國代表大會這兒進行「免費傾聽」數個小時了，大部分的人都是跟我說些關於他們的家庭、職業、以及為了什麼讓他們來到克里夫蘭的。

No one had opened up about a serious, but controversial issue.

還沒有人和我提起這麼嚴肅、但是充滿爭議性的議題。

But here she was.

而她是第一個這麼做的人。

It was so hot outside.

外頭真是熱斃了。

Let's face it, it's loud out there. It seems like everyone has something to say and somewhere to say it.

先來認清一件事吧──這兒實在很吵。每個人看起來都有些話想說、也都需要一個出口來宣洩。

Our Facebook feeds are littered with articles, posts, and images from all types of people. For some of us, this is difficult to handle, so we edit out the ones we disagree with until our feed looks more like an echo board our of own thoughts.

我們的臉書塗鴉牆四處都是來自各式各樣的人們的文章、貼文和照片。對我們之中的一些人而言，這實在是很難應付，所以我們選擇刪掉某些我們並不認同的言論，直到我們的塗鴉牆看起來更接近我們的同溫層。

If we're not careful, we'll treat people this way. Editing out the ones we disagree with until we're surrounded by people who are just like us.

倘若我們不注意，我們就會用同樣的方式去對待別人。排除那些我們不認同的傢伙，直到我們身邊只剩下和我們相似的同伴。

Then we wonder why we're so divided.

然後我們開始納悶：為什麼我們會如此不和？

I know what you're thinking, though: “It's my feed, I'll block who I want. I shouldn't have to be offended. I don't have time for that. Life is too short. I only want to see what I want to see.”

我知道你在想什麼，你會想：「這是我的塗鴉牆，我有權力選擇我想看的東西。我沒義務接受那些冒犯。我沒時間浪費在這上面。生命太短暫了。我只想看見我想看見的。」

If we're not careful, we'll treat people this way.

倘若我們不注意，我們就會用同樣的方式去對待別人。

Then wonder why we're so divided.

然後開始納悶為何我們如此不和。

If there's one question I get asked more than any other question, it's this: How do I listen to someone when I disagree with them?

如果我有個問題是我最想問的，那會是：「我該如何聆聽那些我並不同意的言論？」

There are many ways to answer this. It takes a lot of forgiveness, compassion, patience, and courage to listen in the face of disagreement. I could write pages on each of these principles, but let's start with the one thing that makes forgiveness, compassion, patience, and courage possible.

這問題可以有很多種答案。我們需要原諒、熱情、耐心與勇氣，才能正面傾聽這些你不同意的意見。我可以為這些要素各寫上好幾頁的篇幅，但我們先來談件能讓你得到原諒、熱情、耐心與勇氣的事吧。

We must work to hear the person not just the opinion.

那就是：我們不僅要聽對方的意見，更必須要去聽對方為何會這麼想。

My friend, Agape, says it like this:

我的朋友，Agape，是這樣子說的：

“Hear the Biography, not the ideology. ”— Agape

「傾聽他們的故事，而非只聽他們的想法。」 — Agape



When someone has a point of view we find difficult to understand, disagreeable, or even offensive, we must look to the set of circumstances that person has experienced that resulted in that point of view.

當一個人擁有我們難以理解、無法認同、或甚至會感到冒犯的觀點時，我們應該要去理解，他曾經經歷了什麼狀況，使得他有這樣的觀點。

Get their story, their biography, and you'll open up the real possibility of an understanding that transcends disagreement.

傾聽他們的故事、他們的人生，然後你才開始有可能超越歧見、理解他人。

Like the roots of a tree, our stories, which can create our beliefs, are completely unique, and also connected. It is through story that we can find common ground enough to co-exist in the face of great, often necessary, tension.

就像樹是從根開始生長的一樣，我們經歷過的事情造就了我們的信仰，這是完全獨一無二的、而且緊密相連的。透過傾聽他人的故事，我們才能有足夠的共識，去和那些沉重、但有時無可避免的摩擦共存。

When you find yourself in disagreement, just ask one question:

當你發現自己無法認同對方時，你就問一個問題吧：

“Will you tell me your story? I'd love to know how you came to this point of view.”

「你可以告訴我你的故事嗎？我想聽聽，是什麼讓你這樣想的呢？」



As she spoke to me about her beliefs on abortion, I wanted to stop her, and tell her my story.

當她告訴我她對墮胎的想法時，我很想要制止她，並告訴她我的故事。

I've sat with two loved ones as they suffered through the difficult decision and consequences of ending a pregnancy. It was a brutal human experience, and gave me an insight to something I never expected to witness.

我曾經與一對情侶共同討論過他們是否選擇要終結孕期以及墮胎後的後果。對任何人來說這實在是個殘酷的經歷，而我也從中了解了一些我從來沒思慮過也沒目睹過的觀點。

In moments like that, “choice” doesn't seem to be the right word.

就如此時此刻，「選擇」看起來根本不是個合適的字眼。

So, when she told me they should be arrested for terminating a pregnancy, the familiar burn of disagreement started to fire in me.

所以，當她向我說那些墮胎者應該要為扼殺過一個新生命而被逮捕時，一股熟悉的、無法認同的怒火開始在我體內燃燒。

There were so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to change her mind, to argue, to disagree. Its a natural response.

我有很多事想講，我想改變她的想法，和她爭論，想反駁她。這是很自然的反應。

But, if my story brought me to my beliefs, then I needed to know how her story brought her to her beliefs.

但，如果我的經歷造就了我的觀念，那麼我也需要知道，她的故事如何讓她有了這樣的想法。

“When you listen, you may learn something new” — Dalai Lama

「當你傾聽的時候，你或許也將得到新的收穫。」 — Dalai Lama

So, I asked:

所以，我問道：

“Thank you for sharing that. Tell me your story? I'd love to know how you came to this point of view.”

「謝謝妳和我分享這些。可以告訴我妳的故事嗎？我想知道，是什麼讓妳這樣想的？」

She seemed surprised by my interest.

她看來似乎對我展露的興趣感到驚訝。

“Why? It doesn't matter. Your sign said Free Listening, so I gave you something to listen to.”

「為什麼？這不重要吧。你的告示牌上寫著『免費傾聽』，所以我才跟你說的。」

“Give me more to listen to.”

「我還想再聽更多。」

“They should be locked up! It's wrong. It's not right to go out and sleep with whoever, then just vacuum away the result like it never happened.”

「他們全都該被關起來！墮胎是錯誤的。隨便出外和他人上床、然後粉飾太平彷彿這一切不曾發生，這根本就是不對的。」

She paused…then inhaled the entire world.

她暫停了一下，然後深呼吸，彷彿要吸光整個世界的空氣。

“And it's not fair. All I've ever wanted to be is a mom. My whole life, I knew I was meant to have children. Then, when I was 18—18!—the doctor told me I'd never have children. My ovaries were damaged, or missing...it doesn't matter which. I kept it a secret, and when my husband found out, he left me. I'm alone, my body doesn't work, I'm old…who will ever love me…”

「這一點也不公平。我一直想要做個媽媽。我相信我這一生是注定要有一個孩子的。然後，我十八歲的時候──才十八歲！醫生就跟我說，我這輩子都不可能生孩子了。我的卵巢可能是受損、或者有功能缺失……是哪個並不重要。我一直隱藏著這件事，直到我老公發現了，就二話不說離開了我。我好寂寞，我的身體功能並不完整，而我人老珠黃……還有誰會愛這樣的我……」

I wondered if she could hear my heart breaking.

我不曉得她是否能聽見我心碎的聲音。

“…so, I guess I get upset when I see people who can get pregnant, who can have kids, whose bodies work…who can be moms…and they just choose not to…”

「……所以，每當我看到有人可以懷孕、可以有小孩、她們的身體是正常的……她們可以當一個母親……而她們卻選擇不要的時候……我都覺得很不舒服。」

Sometimes, there's nothing to “disagree” with.

有時，根本沒有什麼東西是該被「否定」的。

I didn't need to be right.

我不需要永遠保持正確。

I just needed to be there.

我只需要待在這裡就好。

She wiped away a few tears, gave me a hug, and thanked me for listening.

她擦乾了眼淚，給了我一個擁抱，然後感謝我的傾聽。

She exhaled, and walked back into the RNC circus.

她嘘了口氣，轉身回到共和黨全國代表大會的喧鬧裡頭。

Maybe one day, she'll hear my story. But today, it was my turn to hear hers.

也許有一天，她也會聽見我的故事；但今天，是我聽她的故事。

I hope she felt loved.

我希望她可以感到自己是被愛著的。

The truth is, if our love can hold space for paradox, tension, and disagreement, there's room for all types of beliefs and opinions.

真理是，若我們的愛能夠包容矛盾、緊張及對立，那就必然也有度量，能夠包容所有的信仰與想法。

Division is a choice.

分裂是一個選擇。

Life isn't a Facebook feed.

但生命並不只是臉書的塗鴉牆而已。

Our love, our listening, must bring in, not edit out.

我們的愛、我們的聆聽，應該是包容對方，而非分裂彼此。

Dare to listen, dare to be quiet, dare to seek understanding; in the end, it's the people we need to love, not their opinions.

勇於聆聽、勇於保持沉默，勇於尋求理解；最終你會明白，我們應該愛的是對方本身，而不是他所保持的觀點。

How do you listen when you disagree with what's being said?

你會如何聆聽你不同意的發言呢？