Plurk paste

VIOLET


I'm known in the online virtual world of Second Life, which we all call SL, as Boyo McMann, and if I'd known that I would still be going by that 8 years later, I might have just considered the consequences of my instant decision. My real name is Steven Rothschild, and no, not those Rothschilds, even though I'm from Newport, Rhode Island.

Inside the virtual world, we refer to the world outside of it as RL or 'real life', though the virtual world is just as real. Real people interacting in real time, sometimes using their real voices, just inside of a virtual space. Consider this; it's not called virtual REALITY for nothing.

It has been a bit less than 6 months since I first met the avatar named Violet Exonar in the virtual world. Her actual RL name being Bridgette McAllister. Such a beautiful name.

I will never forget the night I first met Violet at the indie music club, The Velvet. It started out as just another night of listening to music and being with friends while joking around on the local shared chat.

As the chat rolled by, I started to notice a new person who was sly and funny, kidding around with us regulars. Her name was Violet, and she was both extremely smart and really funny. As our jokes got more ironic and subtle it became clear to all that the two of us were out and out flirting with each other in public. I cammed all over the room and finally saw her across the way. Her avatar was striking and hipster cool at the same time. I was very impressed by her sense of style.

She was dancing with another guy, but apparently he had to leave and was soon gone. I thought about it and realized that this was my opening and I was definitely going to take it. I waited a few minutes and then in IM, I asked: “Would you like to dance?” “Why not?” she said back quickly. “OK, you choose the anim” I suggested. “I'll go with whatever you want”. After a few false starts, we got in somewhat of a synchronous motion.

We were soon doing the virtual world dance thing with a really good animation. For those of you who haven't experienced what it is like to be an avatar that you 'inhabit', touching and dancing and hugging and whatever apparent contact you have has real meaning and causes real feelings. I know it sounds weird, but it feels real. It IS real in the both the virtual sense and the emotional sense.

We immediately continued our joking conversation, but in a one on one private IM (Internet Messaging) channel. Soon we were asking about each other's likes and interests. Chatting like we were old friends almost, although we had just met only a bit more than an hour ago. Almost everything she liked, I already knew about and liked myself. I couldn't believe it. It was pretty much like we had lived parallel lives on the same wavelength. She said her favorite film was The Big Lebowski, a movie I can quote almost verbatim. It became clear to me, and I said “You realize we absolutely have to friend each other...” “I know” she said, not skipping a beat.

Chatting more with her and learning more about her was just so exciting and fun. The more I heard, the more I liked her. We seemed to be in such sync.

Since we had both abruptly gone quiet on the local chat after starting to dance, I realized that any of the others in the room that were paying attention to that chat, knew what was up, and I was sure that at least those who knew me were having a laugh at my expense. But you know what? I didn't care at all. Here was this awesome person that I just met and already couldn't get enough of. The rest of the world had disappeared.

We both said our goodbyes to the other avatars, and left to go to her sim to see her new build. Since we left within a few seconds of each other, I knew that my friends in the room were totally amused, and that I would hear about it later.

She turned out to be an awesome builder, making super realistic stuff to match avatar scale. Too much to look at all at once, I needed to come back later I decided. At her actual house nearby, I followed her out onto her back deck, with the virtual ocean stretching out before us to the horizon. It was beautiful and calming. We started dancing again on the deck. We talked, fully engrossed, for another hour before she had to leave for RL responsibilities.

After she left, and the whirlwind that was our talking had subsided, I stood there on that deck, again looking out over the ocean before me and thought.

“What had just happened? “ I was starstruck, not being able to control my emotional state, and this after knowing her for only two and a half hours. I stood there for a while replaying our words in my mind. Then it occurred to me, our whole chat was in IM. I saved it in a notecard because I wanted to replay it, to see just how it all had gone down.

Within a week, after seeing and talking endlessly with each other every day, while we were talking with our real voices, she paused, looking up at me, and somewhat nervously admitted that she had broken up with her previous SL boyfriend for me. My heart felt like it had been hit with a ton of bricks. Oh my god, she was really into me, maybe as much as I was into her.

I turned the idea around in my head; I was her boyfriend now? I was beyond thrilled. She immediately started telling her friends about her new boyfriend: me. But I remember thinking, regarding her newly minted ex, “that poor guy”. I really felt bad for him because he had forever lost such an amazing person in his life. If I had lost her, I probably wouldn't have gotten over it for a very long time.

What followed was a soon to be familiar cycle of hanging out and talking while at events, followed by regular make out sessions. Ir really seemed like neither one of us could get enough of each other.

Always with the same easy comfort of our first meeting, we went everywhere together, and the days I didn't see her, I missed her terribly.

But there was something hanging over our heads for some reason, we had never used the L word. I have no idea how this became the norm for us, because I loved her like I had never loved anyone in my whole life, even my first long term high school girlfriend, who had taught me how to love.

It became the elephant in the room that we just didn't talk about. I had put her on a pedestal, and I always had the feeling in the back of my mind that she was too good for me, and that she couldn't possibly feel for me what I felt for her. How could anyone possibly deserve her?

I thought how I was just lucky to be able to be with her, and I would take whatever she would give. Little did I know she was giving me everything she had, all of herself, and so was I to her. I found out much later that she thought the same thing about me. Oh my god, how dumb could we get? Well... love makes you crazy, that's all I can say to justify my feelings at that point.

About five months down the road, while we were making out, I found myself physically reacting to the scene before me, and I gave myself a hand, if you know what I mean. After we parted, I sat at my computer and thought about what I'd just done and why.

Both of us thought that SL sex was kind of ridiculous and pointless; just cartoonish characters participating in sex acts on the screen. It never occurred to us that we both fully occupied our avatars, and had done so for years, and this type of thing was just an extension of what we already were doing.

Just for a laugh, we decided to try what everyone in the virtual world refers to as Slex. We had a great time shopping for sexual parts and animations and laughing at what and how much was out there as we went. That stuff was really expensive, but we bought it anyway and soon both of us were completely anatomically correct, with parts that worked with the control of a HUD or heads up display control on the screen. There was also all sorts of furniture made for this kind of thing, and we bought some.

We got it all together and went for it. Oh my god, how wrong we had been. Talking in voice while having virtual sex and RL manipulation was extremely hot. Not just hot, but our connection to each other became deeper, the more we shared. I loved her so much I could hardly stand it.

I had no idea, and now 'got it'. We started doing this regularly in addition to our regular hang out events, but not too much, because we didn't want to overkill the excitement of the anticipated dates.

It was time for me to come clean with Violet. I viscerally needed to tell her my true feelings for her, so I finally took the plunge.

I got my nerve up and texted her while she was at work. “Violet, we have to meet.... in private tonight. There is something I have to tell you, something I need to tell you.” I had IM'd her as soon as I saw her online. “ Hang on, I'll TP you” I typed, feeling nervous.

Soon we teleported over to the Alien Jungle Forest on my sim, and she followed me as I walked into the middle of a wildflower meadow I had tweaked just for this moment.

I stopped and turned to her. “We must talk in voice. It's important.”

We took a long look at each other, and I assumed she was considering this moment questioningly, but expectantly. I did a close up cam of her beautiful avatar eyes, touching to me.

“Violet..... Bridgette.... There is something I've kept inside me that I just can't do anymore. I need to tell you fully how and what I feel.”

There was nothing to do but say it. I took a deep breath, then said:

“You see, the thing is... I love you. I really love you Bridgette McAllister. I love you so much. So truly, and so deeply, and when I'm around you I can't get enough of you. I think about you constantly. Not your avatar body, or anything like that, but the real you, the funny, smart, caring, sweet person you are. I have to say it again. I love you. And if you might feel something similar, I don't think I'll be able to stop telling you this every day from now on.”

A slight pause followed as I could hear her gasp, then “Oh wow!' she said quiety, mostly to herself, then more loudly, “Oh my god... oh my god... oh my..... I feel like crying now, in fact I am.”

After a pause, she blurted out,“I'm so relieved I can finally tell you what I've wanted to say.... for so long.“

She paused and took a deep breath, “... Steven, I love you so much I can't stand it. I've loved you for months and thought I couldn't tell you.” I could tell she was trying to collect her thoughts, then “Everything about you fills me up every time we're together.” a momentary pause again, “Offline, I think about you and it just makes me happy and grounded whenever things in my life are hard or stressful.”

We both stopped talking and looked at each other while listening to the sweet silence between us. Soon, the emotions in her voice came pouring out “ I love you, I love you, I love you. Now I can tell you how I really feel. It's feels so liberating!”

My heart was pounding, I could tell hers was too. We both realized that this was one of the greatest moments in our lives, and nothing would ever be the same.

POSTSCRIPT:
About 10 months later, our RL lives were changing, and we both found ourselves single and available.
There was zero question about what was going to happen next. We had already met in RL a couple of times. We were about the same age, and Bridgette was as beautiful in person as her avatar. Our first long lingering kiss in RL, love flowing through our lips, was just about the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me up to that point of my life.

We got married soon thereafter and now we live together in her home town of Montreal. I've even learned a lot of French. Every day I can't believe my luck in meeting and falling in love with her. And now that I have dual passports, I have to say that I love being a Canadian too.

And yes, we still do our SL thing... together sitting right next to each other in our computer room.

Looking back at the random chance of our meeting that night; seeing her avatar across the room at The Velvet, I'm always amazed at how much a single turn can alter your life forever.