Plurk paste

Sharing this to spread the word about this young woman's suicide, and the varied reasons behind it. I posted this to my facebook wall, after sharing this status from Lisa Bryk.

"Is it bad that I wish there was a national "You All Have Fibromyalgia" day, where everyone who doesn't have it, actually did for a day, so they could see what it's actually like?"

This is just so true. Yes, there are people worse off than I am. That's true for all of us. That also is not a helpful comment when I am in agonizing pain and trying to live my life.

The woman who posted this status lost her beautiful daughter to suicide just days later. She jumped off the George Washington bridge. She lived, not only with fibro, but also with rheumatoid arthritis. On top of this, she was transgender and had been bullied online and flat out told to kill herself. While she eventually did, her mother believes her pain was a far greater catalyst to that outcome than the bullying over being transgender (not that it didn't play a role, but that it wasn't the main reason by any means).

I am not transgender, and I will not for a second pretend I can relate to how that feels. However, like Rachel, I've been told by total strangers online that I should just kill myself now and save the time. Why? Because I'm fat. Yep. It's happened. It will almost certainly happen again, unless I decide to hide who I am and cower to bullies and cowards. And I won't do that. Ever. I spent my childhood being ridiculed and bullied by kids at school and never really cared much. I was fortunate in that. I was ridiculed and belittled by my family (but never my wonderful mother). That was a lot harder to endure, but I did. I was lucky.

Bullying is awful. And it affects everyone differently. But pain? Chronic, every day, neverending, deep in your body pain? That... that wears on you. That is SO much harder than bullying, or at least it has been for me. For almost 14 years, this has been my daily life. Add to it that fibromyalgia results in shitty sleep and chronic exhaustion, and that also takes a massive toll.

It breaks down your reserves. It leaves you more vulnerable, more raw. So, it's entirely possible that the chronic pain made bullying even worse for Rachel. Because when you live with this illness (and she also lived with RA on top of it), you know no real relief. You watch pharmaceutical companies produce ads with ridiculous statements like "with less pain, I feel better," and you want to scream from the top of your lungs "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!"

I am not suicidal,for the record. I have a lot of fight left in my broken, beat up body. But can I see it? Have I had my moments of just wanting the pain to stop? Oh, fuck yeah. And as sad as I am for the loved ones a person leaves behind after taking his or her life due to chronic pain, I also think if you haven't lived that life, every day for years and years, you should not judge. Trust me when I say, it will almost certainly change your viewpoint. I know it did mine.

So, RIP Rachel Bryk. I'm so sorry for all you endured. I wish I'd known you, that I could've somehow been a support system for you, or help to you. Or just because you sound like such an amazing woman, as I read the words of your heartbroken friends and family members.

Lisa Baker Bryk (Rachel's mother), I am truly sorry for your family's loss, for your loss. I hope that you are able to get your message out... that while yes, being bullied for being transgender is screwed up and can result in someone taking drastic steps to end the torment, so can simply living in horrific, never ending, misunderstood, chronic pain.