Plurk paste

shaking in terror because I know this is going to be long. MY MANIFESTO. glory to the communist party. no one look at this its about marxism.

The lucktor … well. I think the thing that took me by surprise was how quickly he kind of saw that viktor was pretty fucked up in a lot of similar ways to himself and just automatically decided to trust him with his story, and apparently chose correctly. he has trust issues and authority issues and viktor earned his trust very quickly by being kind in a very truthful way and also revealing he just. had fucked up brain issues of his own. it really is important to point out that he would not have gone for this if viktor didn’t have some capacity for darkness there.

not to put too much WEIRDNESS on it but lucien coming into this was kind of romance route locked secret ending only because of just. how bad his brain was and part of that bad brain being that he’d ended up losing his last partner in a very terrible way and was still pretty embroiled in dealing with the grief of that and how badly he’d dealt with it and that allowing himself to have a single feeling (like a child, or intelligent dog might) could be a good and kind of healing thing. viktor is a hell of a lot different than brevyn was and that worked in his favor, it didn’t really feel like he was betraying anything by having Feelings about someone so different from her. and the fact that straight up he was just lucien’s friend? i dont know if early on he thought lucien was his friend as much as lucien latched on really quickly but he has issues.

and he did have a really weird way of making him feel normal and human (tiefling, i guess) that a lot of other people didn’t - though, lucien definitely intentionally kept people at arm’s length and tried to be as off-putting as possible on purpose. that sort of impulse to be like, oh you think I’m a snake? I will show you a snake. and most of the time it seemed like viktor saw through that act (along with a few other people who tended to be his problematic faves)

the kiss was pretty impulsive but he is nothing if not insane and impulsive and viktor had just done in rapid succession all the things he liked about him as a person. he’d been kind and sought him out and heard him when he spoke about what was actually bothering him and then said a whole bunch of crazy mad science shit. it was wildly attractive of him. i think he probably did overestimate viktor’s … ability to recognize what he was going for there, and he’s never been in a relationship where he was allowed to like. say things like explicitly or know how to navigate things like a normal person might. like maybe saying i like you instead of just kissing someone and assuming they got the point!!!!!!!!!!! idiod!!!

viktor never BELIEVED him (i know, self-esteem issues can do this) but he was not lying when he said he thought he was handsome and had huge brown eyes and a cute accent? i think the thing about it is partially just that lucien does not … super care what he looks like. he would love him if he were a worm. the fact that he is a handsome guy is kind of a bonus, and he does not give a shit about the state of his body beyond convincing viktor that it’s like. WORTH being with him. i think the thing that really sealed the deal for him to deciding to go insane over him was sort of that moment where lucien admitted that his own body was … a disaster that he didn’t feel comfortable in and that it was sort of nice to be able to talk about that with someone where he didn’t feel like a complete lunatic or would try and convince him otherwise. also the spooky haunted limbs were not a turn off.

and then he fucking died and lucien’s opinion on it was like. okay. that’s clearly a sign from fate that I’m not allowed to have anything and I’ve made a huge mistake in thinking I’m allowed to try and make anything happen with anyone else but also fuck fate and fuck death i think i will simply decide that this Thing is mine and i will take it back so help me god. i absolutely did get the last fucking laugh being in the speak to dead role. my toxic yuri agenda ……… it also just sort of became his obsession to bring back the dead more than anything else which is not a BAD THING. he had much worse things to obsess about and chose this one and it kept him from going bonkers about a ton of other stuff. he had a huge meltdown in his seance week 2 because he just sort of realized he missed him really badly and didn’t really know what to do with all those feelings about it. yell at him about it I guess. my god.

WEEK 4 ………. what a rollercoaster!!!!!!!!!! i think i will address the Mess more in sidon’s because he really had it more out with sidon than viktor here. however i do want to defend poor viktor, who keeps getting the accusation of making lucien say the love yous first when I guess technically viktor sent a certifiably insane and also incredibly vague “oh im THINKING of telling you i love you” letter which made lucien see so much red it was unbelievable. though it did have the effect of just pushing him over the edge enough to start being upfront which is good. i guess. not scien having to browbeat viktor into saying it back because i do think its very hilarious both lu and viktor had the same mindset of WELL GOING TO DIE IT DOESN’T MATTER I’LL SAY IT WHEN I SAY IT but then feeling better then the other one actually said it. dumbassery.

week 5 was a blur what the fuck happened. oh right my torture prism. i think he could have spiraled pretty bad about his mind palace sending people on a real wiggle of a pear but it sort of put him in the mindset like. okay i really will commit to being Better, I Guess. he’d already sort of given up his god delusions he just made the steps to actually do it around this point. he got kind of interrupted by both role stuff and viktor return on sunday. felt like being gods favorite little puppet!!!!!!!

despite all the imminent death stuff i think w6/7 lucien was just sorta unabashedly a lot happier? not just because he was getting laid okay but like he’d made actual steps to being less fucked and it helped his brain a lot and ill be real, he thinks the insane plan to put the eyes in the hex core was the most romantic thing to ever happen to anyone. i think their cursed objects should have touched, it’d have been so fucked up and beautiful.

the tragic separated orpheus and eurydice act was the best shit on the planet. and actually probably good? for them? i can envision a world where they didn’t take their separated little healing journeys and got so much worse together but instead they kinda got better apart and then got some Humanity Restored and will probably ………….. be okay. Only a few destroyed worlds. its fine.

anyway thats my essay on communism.