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CMBYN Comparisons

This was my Summer of 1979.

My father first saw this film and says to me, Jon you have to see it. There are so many comparisons to you. I’ve seen this film in theaters over a dozen times and I now have it at home.

My first real boyfriend named William. He had Lind flowing red hair that he pulled back in a ponytail. He worked for my father. I was 16. He was 26. He lived almost 3 hours away and drove to and from work every day. He did this for several weeks. I was enamored by him. He was such a manly man. He worked hard. My parents talked it over and offered for him to stay with us through the week to relieve him of so much driving time. I had twin beds in my room so he would sleep in one. I the other. I fell in love at first sight. He was always friendly to me because he worked as the manager in my fathers tree nursery, he treated me with utmost respect but we became a lot closer just a few days of him staying in my room. I actually instigated and vied for his attention. At first, he was reluctant knowing full well that I was just a teenager at the time. In a couple of weeks I finally got my wish. We actually kissed late one night. The next night we would make out and in a week or so we made love. We shortly thereafter started sleeping in the same bed. My parents found out and confronted me.
It was always known that I was a bit precocious. I was always reading books instead of sports. I spent a lot of alone time in the woods by myself. My grandmother kept a book list for me. Mostly classics. My parents always knew I was gay without ever having a discussion with them about it. They asked me if we were sleeping in the same bed together and I told them that yes we were. They were quiet for a bit and looked at each other then my mom broke the silence telling me that she dated my father at 15 and married him and I was born when she was almost 17. They both agreed that they would be hypocrites if they didn’t allow me my space. My dad talked to William and told him that he didn’t want me hurt emotionally. William agreed that we wouldn’t hurt me. School was out and Summer had just begun. He had started staying with us some weekends and when he did we would explore the forest near where I lived. We played in the creek near by and messed around in a couple of caves on our property there. I fell in love and I felt he had too.

William never thought he had a chance to go to college. At the time his mom had just died and his father was an alcoholic. Williams life was upended until he found a job with my father. He worked menial tasks in the nursery but was the best worker my dad ever had. When the manager position came open, it was just natural that William would be the one to fill it. My dad highly respected William both for his work abilities and his attention to details. Williams future seemed to be brighter than it had been in a long time.

My parents noticing that William was very smart and a good self starter, decided with William’s permission that they would help him fill out the paperwork and to apply to various colleges. They applied to several and William was accepted to 3 one of them. One being Northwestern. Not only this but he would have a full scholarship there.

William was so excited with the news. He couldn’t contain himself. He waited to tell me that night. I noticed he was very quiet but seemed nervous at the same time. He reluctantly told me of the recent events. I was sick inside. I knew he would be leaving me. It was the middle of Summer and Autumn was looming. We spent more and more time together. We barely spoke about what was to come. A few weeks passed. I talked to my parents about it. They assured me that this would be best for William and that he would better his life this way. I agreed but deep down inside I saw him having to go. This made me very sad.

The day came that he was leaving. My dad and I took him to the airport an hour away. It was the longest and quietest ride I have ever experienced. I sat in back with William and held his hand with tears in my eyes. Once at the airport we accompanied him to the gate and sat with him until he boarded the plane. He reached out to me one last time and I embraced him for the last time. He gave me a kiss on the cheek. I hugged him so tight. It was hard to let go and then he was gone. I was crushed.

One the way home my father kept telling me that it was ok to hurt this way. For me not to fight my feelings that I would be ok. He knew how hard it was for me. I was just so heartbroken. I couldn’t see what my life was going to be like without William. My dad kept assuring me that I would be able to handle this. I cried all the way home. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I hid myself in my books. My grades suffered. I felt my life had ended. I had such high hopes that only young love can bring but eventually I was able to get on with my life but I would never forget him.

We met about ten years. I was 54 and he was in his seventies. He was in New York for a conference. We had coffee and talked and talked. He had since married and had children and was a grandfather now. He seems very happy. I was glad. Before we parted, he reached out his hand and held mine. He told me I was the only guy he was ever with and that he had thought of me a thousand times and that he still loved me and would never forget the time we had together.

Full disclosure
I’m a full time artist in New York City, my father is a Southern Baptist minister and I grew up in the mountains of Tennessee. My dad had a tree business for many years. He retired from his business in 2002. He is still a Southern Baptist minister. I love my parents and call them every day. I’ve lived a charmed life. I’ve since gone on to have a partner of 29 years and in a new relationship now with a guy who looks like uncannily like William with his long red hair all those years ago.

Jon Coffelt