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MARIK ISHTAR'S SEVEN-STEP PROCESS FOR AVOIDING POSSESSION OR OTHER EVIL-SPIRIT-RELATED MISHAPS
WRITTEN BY MARIK ISHTAR
EDITED BY MARIK ISHTAR
BASED ON THE LIFE EXPERIENCES OF MARIK ISHTAR

1. Do NOT touch anything found in a tomb or suspicious market with your bare hands. Thick leather gloves are recommended. Having someone else wear thick leather gloves and pick the object up for you is ESPECIALLY recommended.

2. Develop strength of will. For you I'd recommend doing this by purchasing a box of desserts and then leaving it out on the counter to go stale. Walk past it once an hour, on the hour, and remind yourself "I CANNOT have this. AWAY, temptation!" This will help you develop the inner discipline to repel invasion. It's also good for your teeth. Less sugar.

3. Always bring someone who knows the ancient language with you if you enter an archaeological site. Words have power. They may be able to alert you of trap spells written into the exciting hole you can't wait to enter. (Corollary: consider not going into holes.)

4. Work out. Fluffy, gangly, cute boys like you are prime real estate. Also practice scowling. The more you look like you'll be trouble, the more appealing you make everyone else look as a possession target.

5. Consider, if possible, leaving pieces of your own soul planted around in objects and/or people (I recommend people). This helps you fight back if the above steps aren't helpful and you get possessed anyway, as you have an additional body to employ against the enemy.

6. Duel frequently. Spirits are every bit as susceptible to settling matters in games as anyone. Offer a duel with your soul on the line and then completely shut them down. Use the Undead Lock, because that deck is extremely annoying and makes people tilt. You want the spirit to tilt. They'll get sloppy.

7. Call me. I'll strike a bargain with the spirit that results in me giving up something I don't care about but that they want very badly. One can get any number of favors out of an evil spirit that way. I'd teach you but honestly, this level of cunning is a gift and you just haven't been given it. Fortunately, I have your back.

Step 7 is only to be used as a last-ditch measure because I have a life. A combination of the other six should keep you as spirit-free as possible, however. THE BEST DEFENSE IS A GOOD OFFENSE!