Plurk paste

Faith & Buffy - aka the places you return to last - Knights of Legend

The one thing that has always been such a central focus for Faith in regards to Buffy has been how she believes that Buffy has just been handed everything. She has a family that cares about her, that understood about being a Slayer. She had a network of friends that looked out for her and wanted to share in the danger that she had been put into the darkness of. She had boys that wanted to be with her - just because she was Buffy, not because she gave her body to them. Faith sees that and she's offered parts of it, they are extended out to her, but she felt like they came with these rules and limitations, like - You too can have all of this for the low, low cost of trading in who you are to be what they want! She didn't understand that it's not about earning it or deserving it, but just being willing to accept it when it's offered.

She has a steep learning curve when it comes to being part of something and even when she's called forward in canon it's not because she's earned it or that she deserves it, but because she's needed - she's important and she's the one that they need. That is such a strong motivator for Faith that I think it's what drives her to continue through on everything she does in KoL. Like, she was important once and she was the only one that could do this. She was the Keanu Reeves of the story and nothing bad happened. (well, sort of - but it all worked out.) It was such a foreign concept to her that she clung to it and wanted to make sure that she did it right. She wanted to do it her way too. It wasn't her just becoming this clone of Buffy.

So when she comes to this world, she's stepped into this role of the Slayer she should have always been and she's given this new mission - this new purpose and people expect her to succeed. They expect her to go out and defeat the bad guys and save the day and she's never had that. She's never had the feeling of being on Option A for a plan. Granted, there are like 12 Option A teams, but they're all important.

Faith has this new job, this new role, and it's all the blank slate that she actually earned - but doesn't realize it. ( I have this one dream AU that I used to tinker with that when Angel signed onto W&H and was given whatever he wanted, that he gave Faith the life she deserved and gave her a family that loved her and that when her gift came that they accepted it and that she had all those memories instead of the darkness. And I loved playing with that idea of her having all the things she never knew she wanted. Like, she played at wanting it, but she wanted it because Buffy had it and she saw how great it was for Buffy - but the truth is that those people wouldn't have worked the same for Faith. It's not a formula that she could have been plugged into. ANYWAY -- )

So she has this new role that she didn't realize that she wanted. She's given this chance at something and then there's this Buffy that doesn't remember all the crap things that she's done to her. And Faith could have that blank slate. She could just lie and brush it off like "Oh, yeah we were totally awesome together. You and me were like superheroes." and just build this fake friendship built on all the greatest lies she could stir up. Like, I'm sure part of Faith wants to throw a few whoppers in there just to be like "Man, I wish you could remember the time we took on this huge praying Mantis thing." but instead, she pushes too fast and too hard - which is pretty much the only way Faith has ever operated when it came to Buffy. It was "We could be awesome together. Let's skip school and go clubbing and then run into vamp nests on the count of 1 instead of 3 and it'll be fun because we can and we're awesome." Of course, just like in canon it backfires and Faith is forced to just take that step back and realize that this can't be like that. It has to fit in with who Faith is now and that might mean that they just won't have anything in common anymore, because Faith isn't that girl anymore.

Giving herself a second chance is probably the whole reason why she even tells Buffy the truth. It's not really about evening it up with Buffy or making sure that someone else doesn't whirl through the veil and tell Buffy all the horrors of Faith - it's because Faith has to realize that these are part of her past and just like Buffy - they don't have to define her. They are just things she's lived through and remembers. Buffy has lived through the same things, but she doesn't remember and it hasn't really changed who she is - and it's weird I think for Faith to recognize parts of Buffy that not even Buffy knows are there - that they are that deeply pressed into her person. At the same time, it's comforting to know that those things don't strip away someone. They just open up new doors.

Like, for the most part, I think that Faith is curious how much of who she is now is based purely on things that people have told her she is and being able to see how her telling Buffy "How things are" has definitely opened up that side of life for Faith. Like, she realizes how much impact an impression can make on someone. People thought she was a killer and she believed it to the point of thinking that the only way out was death - she thought that twice even - but that it isn't always the things that people see in you or your past, but who you can step into being on your own.

BASICALLY, meeting this Buffy has given Faith her own identity crisis and it's a good thing.