Plurk paste

Good Omens Dramatisation Ep.5


[略]


Crowley: Oh, for badness’ sake! Stay on the pavement, I’m in a hurry!
Ugh, Crowley, it’s going to be a stressful day. You need something to calm you down.
喔你行行壞吧！給我待在人行道上，我在趕時間！
Crowley，這會是充滿壓力的一天，你需要些能讓自己冷靜下來的東西。
Radio: This is gardener’s question time from Tadfield gardening club in Oxfordshire.
歡迎收聽園丁問答時間，本節目是從牛津郡的Tadfield園藝俱樂部直播。
Crowley: Perfect.
這個好。
Eric: It’s a rich loam soil in the east of the parish, rising to chalk in the west…. With me are Bob Flowerdew and Pippa Greenwood. And how are you finding Tadfield, Bob?
這裡教區東面是肥沃的壤土，往西則是地勢上升的白堊土…我們今天的來賓邀請到Bob Flowerdew與Pippa Greenwood。Bob，你對Tadfield的印象如何？
Bob: Well, Eric, Tadfield’s the kind of place where anything you plant comes up beautifully.
這個嘛，Eric，Tadfield就是個不論你種任何植物都能欣欣向榮的地方。
Eric: Right, first question for the team comes from Mr. R. P. Tyler, chairman of the local resident’s association.
真好。我們第一位提問的聽眾是R. P. Tyler先生，他是Tadfield居民協會的會長。
Mr. Tyler: Yes, I’m a keen rose-grower, but my prize-winning Molly Maguire lost a couple of blossoms yesterday in a rain of what were apparently fish. What does the team recommend for this rather biblical downpour? I’ve written to the council.
是的。我很喜歡種玫瑰，但昨天下了一場很明顯是魚的陣雨，讓我那得過獎的莫莉麥奎爾玫瑰掉了好幾個花苞。請問各位對這好像重現了聖經畫面的大雨有什麼建議嗎？我已經寫信到議會去了。
Eric: Not a common problem, I’d say. Pippa?
還真是個少見的問題啊。Pippa？
Pippa: Uh, Mr. Tyler, were these fresh fish, or preserved?
呃，Tyler先生，那些魚是新鮮的魚，還是醃魚呢？
Mr. Tyler: Ah, fresh, I believe.
啊，我想是新鮮的。
Pippa: Well, you’ve got no problem. Just let the fish rot down nicely, then dig them into your borders, add a bit of potash, and you’ll have a bumper crop year for the blooms.
喔，那你就不需擔心了。只要讓魚自然腐爛，再把它們埋在花壇裡，加上一點鉀肥，等下次花季時你就可以見到一大片花海啦。
Radio: Thank you, Mr. Tyler, onto our next gardener, Crowley!
謝謝你的提問，Tyler先生。接著是我們的下一位園丁，Crowley！
Crowley: Eh?
欸？
Radio: Crowley. Armageddon has begun. The Infernal Council notes that you avoided the forces we empowered to collect you.
Crowley，世界末日已經開始了，地獄議會發現你避開了我們派去把你帶回來的人員。
Crowley: I had urgent business to attend to. Um, an old friend—
我有急事得處理。呃，我的一個老朋友－
Radio: The angel Aziraphale has discorporated. You will not assist him further.
天使Aziraphale已被無形體化。你不可再繼續協助他。
Crowley: Oh. Well. Uh. I expect he’ll find his own way back here.
喔。這樣啊。呃，我想他會自己找路回來的。
Radio: Crowley, for as long as there is one demon left, you will wish you had been created mortal. Mortals can hope for death or redemption. All you can hope for is the mercy of Hell.
Crowley，只要這世上還剩下一個惡魔，你就會希望自己生來就是凡人。凡人還可以期待死亡或救贖，但你只能期待地獄對你大發慈悲。
Crowley: Really?
真的？
Radio: No! Just our little joke.
不！這只是我們的小玩笑。
Crowley: Ngk.
呃。
Radio: The four horsemen will ride! The antichrist will reveal himself! You will not interfere!
四騎士即將啟程！敵基督將顯示其真身！你無法阻止這一切！
Crowley: Now, just a—
先等—
Radio: –as keen gardeners know, he’s a cunning little devil, your Tibetan, tunneling straight through begonias like nobody’s business.
－熱中園藝者都知道，你所說的西藏人是個狡猾的小惡魔，會飛快地挖著地道直穿過你的秋海棠。
Crowley: Car, steer yourself for a bit. We need to pick up the M25 then the M40 westbound. Now, what’s he written? “Notes on the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch, by the angel Aziraphale.” Ugh, his handwriting is so neat.
車，你先自己開一會。我們先走M25再接M40往西。我看看他都寫了什麼？『關於＜阿格妮思納特良準預言集＞的筆記，天使Aziraphale著。』呃，他的字也太整齊了吧。


[略]


Crowley: Right, Armageddon is underway, it’s gonna begin in Tadfield, after that, it’s gonna be everywhere. Aziraphale has somehow been dispatched to the spirit world so there’s only me left to try and stop things. Okay, first order of business, try and find a shortcut over the M25, so making a left here— Then this right, and we are…in the biggest traffic jam ever, what in Hell?
好，世界末日已經開始進行，大戰將從Tadfield開始，然後蔓延到世上每一個角落。Aziraphale不知為何被召回了靈體世界，所以現在只剩我能試著阻止一切。好吧，第一件事，先找條接上M25的捷徑，在這裡左轉－接著再往右，然後我們就…遇到了史上最嚴重的大塞車，這是在搞什麼鬼？
Radio: On the M25 London orbital motorway, which is now suffering a total stoppage, with no moving traffic anywhere. Police are instructing motorists not to attempt to leave London. There’ll be more information in the PM bulletin.
M25倫敦外環高速公路目前正處於嚴重堵塞狀態，車流完全停滯。警方呼籲所有駕駛請勿試圖離開倫敦，我們將繼續提供更多最新路況。
Crowley: Gosh. Head office never said that rerouting the M25 into the shape of the dread sigil Odegra was anything more than a random act of profanity.
天啊。總部從沒跟我說過把M25重造成奧得加符咒的形狀，竟然還會產生瀆神以外的效果。
Muffled voice: Excuse me, sir.
抱歉，先生。
Crowley: Oh, what does he want? Yes, officer?
噢，他想幹嘛？有什麼事嗎，警察先生？
Officer: Got to ask you to turn back. Three vehicles have already attempted to cross this flyover and they’re all in flames. Same on all the M25 crossings.
我必須請你調頭。已經有三台車因為試圖穿越這座高架橋而起火了。M25的所有跨河道路也都是一樣的狀況。
Crowley: But I urgently need to be in Oxfordshire. I have to find the Antichrist.
但我現在必須立刻趕到牛津郡欸，我得去找敵基督。
Officer: Well, that’s all very well, but you wouldn’t want to risk your lovely old Bentley.
喔那很好啊，但你也不想冒險毀掉這台寶貝老賓利吧？
Crowley: Officer, have you ever seen an example of spontaneous automotive combustion?
警察先生，你曾經看過車體自燃的案例嗎？
Officer: Never even heard of it, sir.
聽都沒聽過，先生。
Crowley: Watch this.
看好了。
Officer: Sir! Wait!
先生！停下！
On megaphone: Driver of the Bentley, do not attempt to cross the flyover!
警告賓利駕駛，禁止穿越高架橋！
Officer: Uh, all units westbound on M40, there’s a vintage Bentley on fire headed in your direction. Driver is a grinning lunatic in sunglasses, also on fire. Over.
呃，所有M40西向道路車輛注意，有一輛著火的經典賓利正朝你們那邊前進。駕駛是個戴著墨鏡滿臉笑容的瘋子，他也著火了。完畢。


[略]


Crowley: Relax. Keep the car moving for as long as it doesn’t melt. Some light entertainment. Radio still functioning?
放輕鬆，在車子熔化之前繼續開下去。來點娛樂好了，廣播還能聽嗎？
Radio: Yup, brethren.
沒錯，弟兄們。
Crowley: Oh, I love this guy.
喔我超愛這傢伙的。
Radio: That was the Power Cable Evangelical choir singing “When I’m Swept Up By the Rapture, Grab the Wheel of My Pickup.”
剛剛你所聽到的是由「動力電纜福音唱詩班」獻唱的曲目，＜當我『被提』時，請抓住我的方向盤＞。
Crowley: Who writes this stuff?
這玩意誰寫的啊？
Radio: To hear that song, and others just as edifying, just phone 1-800-CASH, and pledge your donation now.
But brothers and sisters, it’s all there in your Bible, in the revelation our lord gave St. John on Patmos. War, Plague, Famine, Death! But before the destruction comes, before the four horsemen of the Apocalypse ride out, there will come the Rapture!
現在馬上撥1-800-CASH，並承諾奉獻，你就能收聽剛剛那首歌，以及其他同樣啟發你心靈的歌曲。
但各位弟兄姊妹，這一切其實都寫在你的聖經裡，我們的主已向拔摩島的聖約翰揭示了。戰爭、瘟疫、饑荒、死亡！但在毀滅降臨前，在天啟四騎士出馬前，「被提」將先來到！
Crowley: Ha ha! Priceless! The Rapture!
哈哈！太好笑了！被提！
Radio: It don’t mind if you’re in the bath, driving your car, or just sitting at home reading your Bible. When the Rapture comes, all the true believers will be swept up in the air in perfect and incorruptible bodies, up in the air, looking down at the sinners as the destruction arrives. Only the faithful will be saved.
不論你是正在洗澡、開車、還是坐在家裡讀著聖經，當「被提」來臨時，所有真正的信徒都會被掃上天，獲得完美永恆的身體。你就在空中，俯瞰著罪人們面對毀滅降臨。唯有虔誠相信者才能得救。
Crowley: You couldn’t make it up.
這也太誇張了。
Aziraphale: Well, nice try, ahm, only it won’t really be like that at all, not really.
呃，這個想法不錯啦，只是情況不會像你說的那樣就是了。
Crowley: Aziraphale?!
Aziraphale?!
Aziraphale: You’re right about the war, but that rapture stuff, well, if you could see the league after league of us in Heaven, flaming swords, all that, we don’t have time to go round picking people up in the air to sneer at other people dying below them. If that’s your idea of a morally acceptable time, I might add.
關於大戰的那段你說對了，但這所謂的「被提」嘛，嗯，如果你能親眼看見天堂裡我們那一隊又一隊的天使們，還有火焰劍等等等的話，你就知道我們才沒空到處把人挑出來，好讓他們在天上笑看底下垂死的其他人咧。當然如果這是你認為在道德上可以允許的時刻，那就另當別論啦。
Radio: It’s the devil!
是惡魔！
Aziraphale: Oh, no, I’m an angel. Ahm, this has to be America, doesn’t it? I really need to be a bit closer to the action. Bye-bye.
喔，不，我是天使。啊，這裡一定是美國，對吧？我得想辦法再往目標靠近才行。拜拜。
Radio: Lord help me, I’m speaking in tongues!
上帝救我，惡魔在透過我說話！
Crowley: Aziraphale is trying to find a way back! He’d better hurry up.
Ariaphale正在努力找路回來！他得快點才行。



[略]
Aziraphale: Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Parlez-vous Francais? Wo bu hui jiang zhongwen?
你會說德文嗎？你會說法文嗎？窩捕灰江塚溫？
Mrs. Ormerod: Is that you, Ron?
是你嗎？Ron？
Aziraphale: No, definitely not, this is not Ron.
不，絕對不是，我不是Ron。
Mrs. Ormerod: Well, I wanna speak to Ron Ormerod. He’s rather short, balding on top. Can you put him on, please?
欸，我想跟Ron Ormerod說話。他有點矮，頭頂禿了。可以請你叫他來聽嗎？
Aziraphale: Actually, there does appear to be a spirit of that description hovering over here. I’ll hand you over, but you must make it quick. I am attempting to avert the apocalypse.
事實上，還真有個符合你敘述的靈魂在這裡徘徊。我會轉給他，但你得說快點，我還得去阻止世界末日。
Mrs. Ormerod: Eh?
欸？
Julia: Oh!
噢！
Mr. Scroggie: Sorry.
抱歉。
Ron: Hello?
哈囉？
Mr. Scroggie: Who’s that?
那是誰？
Mrs. Ormerod: It sounds just like Ron!
這聲音聽起來很像Ron！
Julia: Well, he’s manifested before, hasn’t he?
呃，他以前不是有被召喚出來過嗎？
Mrs. Ormerod: Yes, but he usually sounds like Madam Tracy. Ron? Is that you?
是啊，但他以前聽起來都比較像Tracy夫人。Ron？是你嗎？
Ron: Yes. Beryl?
是我。Beryl嗎？
Mrs. Ormerod: Right, now, I’ve got quite a bit to tell you. For a start, I went to our Crystal’s wedding, and there was a person—
對。好，我有點事要告訴你。第一個，我去了我們家Crystal的婚禮，那裡有個人－
Ron: Beryl, you never let me get a word in edgewise while I was alive, now I’m dead there’s just one thing left to say.
Beryl，我還活著的時候，你從不讓我有插話的機會，現在我已經死了，我只有一件事要說。
Mrs. Ormerod: Ron! Remember your heart condition!
Ron！小心你心臟不好！
Ron: I don’t have a heart any longer, remember? Anyway, Beryl.
我已經沒有心臟了，記得嗎？總之，Beryl，
Mrs. Ormerod: Yes, Ron?
是，Ron？
Ron: SHUT UP.
閉嘴。
Mrs. Ormerod: Eh? Ron? Hello? Come back and say that.
欸？Ron？哈囉？你給我回來再說一次。
Aziraphale: He’s gone. And he’s smiling. And now, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, this is a bit of an emergency. I’m handing you back to Madam Tracy.
他已經走了，還面帶微笑。好啦，非常感謝各位女士先生，但我真的有點急，我就讓Tracy夫人繼續主持囉。
Tracy: Oooh. Well I never!
喔喔喔，我從沒這樣過！
Mrs. Ormerod: And what do you call that, then?
你說剛剛那是怎麼回事？
Tracy: I call it finished. Time to go!
我說已經結束了，你們該走了！
Mrs. Ormerod: But—
但－
Tracy: This way please.
This way please. Goodbye.
這邊請。
這邊請，再見。
Mrs. Ormerod: You haven’t heard the last of this, Marjorie Potts!
別以為我會就這麼算了，Marjorie Potts！
Tracy: Madam Tracy, if you please, Mrs. Ormerod. Goodbye Julia, Mr. Scroggie.
麻煩請叫我Madam Tracy，Ormerod女士。再見Julia，還有Scroggie先生。
Mr. Scroggie: Beg pardon.
不好意思。
Tracy: For goodness’s sake, love, eat something.
老天啊親愛的，去吃點東西吧。
Mrs. Ormerod: And you can tell our Ron－
He hasn’t heard the last of this either!
跟我們家Ron說－
我也不會對他就這麼算了！
Tracy: I’m making a cup of tea. Would you like one, mister, uh, mister…?
我要泡杯茶，要來一杯嗎－呃，怎麼稱呼…？
Aziraphale: My name is Aziraphale. No sugar for me, please.
Who is that?
我叫Aziraphale。不加糖，麻煩了。
那是誰？
Tracy: My neighbor, having a lie down in the spare room. He won’t bother us. Right, now you can tell me how you got inside me, and what this is all about. And it had better be good.
我的鄰居，他在空房休息，不會打擾我們的。好了，現在你可以告訴我你是如何附到我身上，還有這一切到底是怎麼回事，最好是好事。



[略]
Tracy: …exactly do you want me to do about this?
…你到底希望我怎麼做？
Aziraphale: To be frank, dear lady, my plans at this point are perforce somewhat fluid.
說實話，親愛的女士，現階段我的計畫比較接近隨機應變。
Shadwell: Caught with one of your gentleman callers in there, eh!
給我抓到妳的恩客在這了吧！
Tracy: I’ve never been possessed before.
我從來沒被附身過。
Aziraphale: I find being in your body very frustrating.
我覺得待在妳身體裡讓人非常焦躁。
Shadwell: The sins of Sodom and Gomorrah! Taking advantage of a defenseless woman! Over my dead body.
索多瑪與蛾摩拉的罪惡！想佔這個手無寸鐵的女人便宜，等我死了再說吧！
Tracy: Oh, Sergeant Shadwell, you’re awake!
噢你醒啦，Shadwell中士！
Shadwell: Where is he?
他去哪了？
Tracy: Who?
誰？
Shadwell: Some southern pansy. I heard ‘em, he was in here, suggesting filthy things to you. I heard ‘em.
某個南部娘娘腔。我聽到聲音了，他剛剛還在這，跟妳建議那些骯髒的事，我都聽到了。
Aziraphale: Not just a southern pansy, Sergeant Shadwell, the Southern Pansy.
不是「某個」南部娘娘腔，Shadwell中士，是「那個」南部娘娘腔。
Shadwell: Ah! Demon!
啊！惡魔！
Aziraphale: There’s no need to point, Sergeant Shadwell, I am not a demon, and I’d like you to listen to what I have to say.
不用這樣指著我，Shadwell中士，我不是惡魔，而且我希望你能聽聽我接下來要說的話。
Shadwell: I’ll no listen to your wicked lies. Get out of yon woman’s head, or with this finger I’ll blast ye to kingdom come.
我才不會聽你那些邪惡的謊言。給我從這女人的腦袋裡出來，不然我的手指會把你轟成個天國降臨。
Tracy: That’s the problem. Kingdom come. It’s going to. Mr. Aziraphale is inside me because…because….
問題就是在這，天國降臨，真的快發生了。Aziraphale先生之所以待在我身體裡是因為…因為…
Aziraphale: I am a discorporated angel.
因為我是被無形體化的天使。
Tracy: Yes. And he’s been telling me all about it. He’ll explain it to you.
對，而且他跟我說明了所有事情。他也會解釋給你聽的。
Shadwell: I’ll never listen to his hellish blandishments, woman!
我才不聽他那些地獄來的假話，女人！
Tracy: Oh, you old silly. Listen!
Mr. Aziraphale.
喔你這傻老頭，給我聽！
Aziphale先生。
Aziraphale: Thank you. Sergeant Shadwell, you have heard of the Antichrist?
謝謝妳。Shadwell中士，你聽過敵基督嗎？
Shadwell: I saw a film.
我看過電影。
Aziraphale: The Antichrist is alive on earth at this moment. He is bringing about the apocalypse even if he himself does not know it. Heaven and Hell are preparing for war. And it’s going to be very messy.
敵基督現在就在世上活蹦亂跳的。就算他自己並不知情，他也將引發世界末日。天堂與地獄正在準備開戰，而這將會是非常慘烈的戰爭。
Shadwell: I wouldn’t know about that.
這我可不知道。
Aziraphale: I am not actually permitted to act directly in this matter. But the Antichrist must be killed, and you must do it. Have you a weapon?
天堂不允許我直接插手干預現在的情況，但敵基督必須被消滅，而你必須做這件事。你有武器嗎？
Shadwell: Aye. I have that, this finger, it did for you, demon spawn! Did it not?
有啊，我有我這根手指，它可把你這惡魔消滅啦！對吧？
Aziraphale: Ah. So, nothing more substantial? The golden dagger of Meggiddo? Or the Shiv of Kali?
啊。所以沒有更強大一點的武器了嗎？像是米吉多的黃金匕首？或是迦梨之刀？
Shadwell: I’ve got the thundergun of Witchfinder Colonel Ye-Shall-Not-Eat-Any-Living-Thing-With-The-Blood-Neither-Shall-Ye-Use-Enchantment-Nor-Observe-Times Dalrymple.
我還有一把Ye-Shall-Not-Eat-Any-Living-Thing-With-The-Blood-Neither-Shall-Ye-Use-Enchantment-Nor-Observe-Times （你們不可吃帶血的物不可用法術也不可觀兆）‧Dalrymple獵巫上校留下來的雷槍。
Aziraphale: A gun.
一把槍。
Shadwell: Aye. I’ll fetch it. But I don’t know why we need it. I am a man with a finger.
對，我去拿來。但我不懂我們為何還需要那把槍，我已經有這根手指了啊。
Aziraphale: Now, dear lady, have you a reliable mode of transportation at your disposal?
接下來，親愛的女士，你手邊是否有可供使用的交通工具呢？
Tracy: Oh, uh, yes. Look.
噢，呃，有啊，你看。
Aziraphale: We are holding a pink hat with a sunflower on it.
我們正拿著一頂上面有向日葵圖案的粉紅色帽子。
Tracy: A scooter helmet. I have a scooter.
這是安全帽，我有一台摩托車。
Aziraphale: But what about Sergeant Shadwell?
但Shadwell中士怎麼辦呢？
Tracy: Uh. Passenger helmet.
呃，給他乘客用安全帽。
Aziraphale: Dayglo green with a “Born to Ride” sticker. He’ll love it.
螢光綠配上「為騎而生」的貼紙，他一定會喜歡的。
Shadwell: Here’s the Thundergun! Now, this antichrist, how many nipples has he?
我把雷霆槍拿來了！我說，這個敵基督，他有幾個乳頭啊？
Aziraphale: Oodles. Pots of them. Makes Diana of the Ephesians look positively nipple-less.
一大堆，數都數不過來。多到連以弗所的亞底米女神看起來都像沒乳頭一樣。
Shadwell: Then he’s a witch and must be dealt with.
那他就是個巫師了，我得解決他。
Aziraphale: Agreed.
我同意。
Tracy: Oh, I’m not sure about this killing business.
噢，我不確定是不是真的該做這殺人的事欸。
Shadwell: If it’s the Antichrist or us, we don’na have a choice. Where we going?
如果是敵基督跟我們其中之一得死，那就別無選擇了。我們要去哪？
Aziraphale: Lower Tadfield. In Oxfordshire.
Lower Tadfield，在牛津郡。
Shadwell: Private Pulsifer wen’ there this morning.
Pulsifer二等兵今天早上才到那裡去了。
Aziraphale: Really? Both myself and my colleague Mr. Crowley believe the Antichrist will reveal himself there.
真的嗎？我與我的同事Crowley先生都認為敵基督會在那裡現身。
Shadwell: Well, come on then!
那我們就出發吧！

Ep. 5 End