Plurk paste

It was raining. Just like the day she'd met Rukurow. Poor boy, he'd been about 15 then, caught out in the rain without an umbrella. Artemis had grown the plants around him to form a cover, and they'd huddled under it for warmth. Rukurow had been so sweet, so caring, she couldn't help but fall for him. And now, looking back on it, it almost hurt to remember that.
He was too sweet for his own good. He'd always let his emotions get in the way. She couldn't afford to have someone like that in her life if she was to protect her country... why did it have to hurt this much to cut out the loose ends?
A hand reached out from her place on the bed and touched the window, and she idly admired the patterns of the raindrops on glass. Poetic, wasn't it? Rain brought them together, and thunder drove them apart.
"I need to talk to you."
Artemis gulped and sat up, rubbing her eyes and hoping Rukurow hadn't been there for long. She turned to him with a nervous smile, trying to mask the feeling of a knife through her heart when she looked at him. He mirrored the look, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and bowing his head with a sheepish smile. He hadn't even bothered to dry himself from the rain. Oh, she could kill to kiss everything better right now... but that's just not how things work.
"We're talking." She sat up and waved for him to speak, wincing at the loud jingle of her bracelets.
"It's about Noxxi."
Of course it was.
"She's turning twelve this year," Rukurow continued, "and she still hasn't found a partner. That's 3 years she's been held back for that. I was wondering if you-"
"What do you want me to do, Rukurow? She can't join the police; she doesn't know how to swim, the dragons don't like her and the Land Legion is full."
"But you put up a recruitment sign last-"
"It's full." She frowned, "Look, felids aren't meant to be Thunder children. She'll go deaf prematurely anyway, you know that. And I... I can't be her superior. It wouldn't be fair."
Rukurow grimaced. "This isn't about.. us. Is it?"
"It's always about us, Rukurow." she sighed, "I don't want to talk about that, though. I just..."
Rukurow took her hands in his. She could feel her face burning, even her ears turning slowly red. This was the exact opposite of what she needed right now. She shouldn't be this in love with him still. Seven years apart should have changed something.
"I'm waiting for you."
No no no no no, shut up. Shut up, don't talk like that. Don't remind me how stupid this is.
"I can't shut the door on Noxxi after all this time, but I want you back. I really do. And I'll do anything it takes to make you change your mind."
No. Stop it. PLEASE.
"Artie, I know we can work this out. Even if I have to wait two more years for her to have her own house."
"R-Rukurow, no." She cursed her voice for wobbling, "I can't. I can't because I can't think when you're around and I don't want you to get hurt and I can't be a mother figure to Noxxi and I just... I can't be with you. There's nothing for us. Okay?"
"Artie.. I love you."
"...I love you too, Rookie." She gave him a watery smile, before it melted into a sob. She forced herself to her feet and began pacing, rubbing her eyes roughly. "Can you just leave? Sh-she's not joining the police force, you'll have to find her something else. Just... go away. Please."
He was hurt. She'd hurt him. She could tell from the tilt of his ears and the sway of his tail and the change in his pace and gods, why did she have to be so atuned to him now of all times? Why couldn't this just be simple and easy like paperwork or fighting monsters?
The sun was coming out now, but she couldn't remember what it felt like to see light. Her heart was weighing down on her stomach as usual, and there was only darkness for someone as love-sick as her. Knowing it was her fault only made it hurt twice as much.