Plurk paste

rosamund!! hahaha oh boy. stares into the distance. well, todomatsu thought rosamund was beautiful and really sweet from the first time they talked... he was a little concerned about the briars but she didn't seem to be so he was just like ?? ok i guess??? he never found out that she was in on the lucien phone stealing thing at the first party which is very funny and probably for the best lmao

when they were talking after the w0 deaths, todomatsu thoughtsharing something about genre shifts led to them talking about how they were both characters in fictional works, which was kind of the basis for what made their cr so interesting, though their situations were actually very different. everyone in osomatsu has always known they're anime characters, most of what they do in the current show is either their real lives or skits they're doing, so he never felt like he was being forced into a specific story by anyone. their creator isn't some mysterious god-like being to be afraid of, he's akatsuka-sensei, he's been dead for years but they still have a lot of respect and affection for him (but also aren't above ragging on him) and have a framed photo of him in their room that they look to for guidance sometimes. so it's really VERY MUCH THE OPPOSITE... which he definitely recognized from how she talked about hers and i think he felt a little bad about because it was like, well we have this thing in common kind of, but it's like 5000x better for me than it is for you! so maybe i shouldn't talk about my side of it that much!!

then there was the thing with her kissing him as a worm lmao which was indeed his first ever kiss in his life and he felt so blessed that it was with her even if he was a worm and his own lips weren't actually involved... though then it was a little awkward because she obviously didn't want to have kissed him so he was like OH WE DON'T HAVE TO COUNT IT I'M VERY NICE AND UNDERSTANDING while internally he was like NO IT FUCKING COUNTS!!!! but they never spoke of it again.

then the very next day was cyoa! it sucked! and he was just kind of an emotional wreck afterward because he still wasn't sure his brothers weren't dead and he felt bad about being a dick to them and was still trying to deal with how much he wasn't in a comedy anymore and it was just A Lot that he was not in the mood to talk about. and like. he's already averse to talking about personal stuff and his feelings even when the circumstances AREN'T like this. i think things would have gone very differently if she'd seen him in the sim room with the oden stall before curfew like some other people did, because that was more of a passive thing where he didn't really have to talk about it much and people could just kind of infer that he was having some feelings about his family without having to admit to it. or even if they'd just talked in private in the medbay or something first.

but that didn't happen and then it was curfew and like... he was perfectly content to talk to people about suika and unrelated stuff, but her trying to talk to him about the cyoa in the middle of that food court crowd when he hates showing genuine emotions in front of people just did not go well. it was obvious that she was trying to be reassuring and supportive and he appreciated that, but she was coming at it from this "things go wrong sometimes, you don't have to feel bad about it" angle when like, he had actually followed adrastea's directions a lot more closely than anyone else had and tried to be careful and he HADN'T personally messed much of anything up so it felt kind of insulting that she was just assuming he had. and the other part was that Being The Only One To Do Things Properly is also kind of his role in his family so it touched a nerve there too since his family was what he was actually freaking out over, so he just took it really badly in that moment and got kind of snappy and made her feel bad. which he hadn't wanted to do and he immediately felt like an asshole about it, but he wasn't going to explain things in front of everyone else at curfew, so he just. didn't.

and then she had to kill eunhyuk in execution so he felt even worse about being a dick to her because she had a lot going on and could clearly have used some support herself, but he was like, well, this is just awkward now, and didn't know what to say so he said nothing lmao. until she sent him that very nice and formal text to check in on him and he was like oh my god i'm such a piece of shit. but he didn't want to deal with a heavy atmosphere so he just replied perkily like HAHA YEAH SORRY ABOUT THAT I WAS KIND OF ON EDGE BUT IT'S FINE NOW!!! WHY DON'T WE WATCH SOME ANIME!!!! to try to bypass the whole thing which. i guess kind of worked? but this was also the conversation where they were trying to decide what kind of anime to watch, and she said she didn't want ones that focused on romance or where the female characters didn't get to do other things and have lives, so he took that as her irl personal stance on that kind of thing too and was like well that's fair given her story, so he like, went out of his way to try to be as platonic as possible. EXCEPT HE REALLY WASN'T THAT GOOD AT IT AND WAS ALWAYS BLUSHING AND SHIT, IDK HOW SHE DIDN'T NOTICE.

anyway next was the curfew with her and sidon and owner (feat. giselle) which was... so wholesome and cute... their little non-alcoholic party games... he had a fun time and sidon really just brightened up the whole mood like he always does so he didn't have to worry about residual awkwardness, although he was still like dying inside and cowering in a corner when she got asked who she thought the most attractive person there was because he knew it wouldn't be him and didn't want to hear it... :face_holding_back_tears: but overall it was a nice time that got kind of ruined by sidon being fucking DEAD in the morning... and her roommate was also dead now, so after all of that they kind of had a little bit of bonding over that where he was like yeah i've been alone since the end of the first week and it actually sucks a lot!

memshare week she was the one who got the memory from when choromatsu was moving out and everyone started going their separate ways, which like... it doesn't seem like that huge of a deal on its own but in the context of the show it's a huge fucking gut punch because the mood is just SO different from how it usually is and it has just the rawest emotion out of everything. which he was just like haha yeah we're pretty shitty! but actually it kind of hurt a lot sitting through that again, and seeing the part with himself tearing up alone in that apartment at night was rough because that was also what he'd been doing every night here for a long time!! her out-loud response was like, a really optimistic view of it, which made sense since he was ALSO acting cheerful about it, but then he was like ok i can't keep this up right now and finally explained what happened on cyoa and why he'd snapped at her and why actually this memory was still fucking him up a little even though he knew now that it really had probably all been fake.

and then she went on cyoa right after that lmao and it was her turn to do the fake cheerful oh no i'm fine!! thing and he was like okay we know we both do this, stop faking. and between how she was acting about that and then the fucked up stepmother memory he got like... a lot more context for what her world was like and how much they'd really had their whole lives controlled by the narrative and everything, which again, was just... so different from his... but at the same time he could kind of understand it a little because like, maybe his life sucks so much and won't get better because being a bunch of losers is the whole premise of the show? hmm.

then it was the week she killed and... it was rough....... i think the thought that she could have done it probably occurred to him when she came over to his room because he was kind of alarmed by what a bad emotional state she seemed to be in at the time, and then there were the arrows in evidence and he was like mmmmmmmmm but she seemed to be in better spirits early on in trial at least, with the karaoke plans and everything, so that kind of eased his concerns for a while and he focused on trying to find an alternate explanation built around interpreting the arrows as a framing thing... he tried. even if he'd had suspicions a few times the way she seemed to snap at the end of that was SO jarring because they'd just been having their nice karaoke conversation a few hours earlier, and he was shaken up really badly by that. like i said in my lore plurk, if it had been clear early enough that bradley wasn't also affected he WOULD have voted for her as a matter of practicality, but at the time he was kind of willing to grab onto any reason not to so they could potentially buy some time to figure out an alternative.

WHAT'S KILLING ME IS NOW THAT I'M THINKING BACK ON THIS CHARLES SUGGESTED USING WHAT I ASSUME WAS A SCRAP ITEM TO WAKE HER UP AFTER SHE GOT KNOCKED OUT AND TODOMATSU SAID NO BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO FORCE HER AWAKE AND NOW I'M LIKE. WOULD THAT HAVE CURED HER ACTUALLY????????????? GAZES INTO THE ABYSS... I HOPE HE NEVER THINKS OF THIS

anyway, like. some people like sheba had at least seemed pretty together when he saw them in the brig afterward, so even though he kind of knew rosamund was probably going to have to die within the next couple of days, he really wanted to try to give her something to enjoy before that if it was possible, so immediately after trial he texted thebe like "hey i know this seems like a fucked up time to ask this but can you get a karaoke system for the bar asap" and thebe is perfect so she did, and they set it up together while he worked up the nerve to visit rosamund in the medbay, which was. oof. she was always so bright and lively and seeing her like that saying she couldn't enjoy anything and couldn't stand looking at herself was just such a gut punch, and he kind of felt like a fucking idiot for even trying the karaoke thing, but in his world where all this crazy shit happens all the time it's always the simple mundane things that have the most impact, so that was all he could think of to offer, and when that wasn't something that was going to help, he was just like, well. okay, i guess i've got nothing, then. and just tried to remind her she wasn't the stepmother because a lot of the stuff she was saying was really really sounding like that...

god i know this conversation kicked both of our asses lmfao and even more now after seeing how a lot of her other post-trial conversations went i'm kind of :tails: at how theirs went in comparison... her crying and kissing his hand and telling him how kind he was while he felt like the fakest bitch alive and confessed to actually being a liar and all around shitty person who didn't deserve that... aaaaaaaaah

the not-execution was rough as hell too, and the shitty selfish part was that he was jealous he hadn't gotten chosen for that because all the other weeks they picked some of the killers' closest cr and he thought they had this special fiction bond and this made it feel like actually he wasn't that important after all! but aside from that... it was really sad when he and ichiban were trying so hard to hold onto hope that she was just doing the sleeping beauty thing and not actually dead... :face_holding_back_tears: and afterward he was just like. he understood that it had to happen and it was probably for the best that no one else did it for her but also that was SOOOOOO not choosing her own ending when she was being manipulated into feeling that way in the first place and he was so mad about it!!! any time anyone was like "at least she got to choose" he was like YEAH BUT SHE REALLY DIDN'T ACTUALLY? FUCK THAT. anyway the karaoke bros got together and sang fast car in her honor that night.

when the dead finally came back they had their initial tearful reunion and he was so glad!!! and they finally did their karaoke night the right way (and he coughed up horny flowers in front of her HOW DID SHE NOT KNOW)!!!! but he also kind of felt like there was a bit of a rift there that hadn't been there before because he was so out of the loop about everything in the gy, and she was like... in a more emotionally complicated place... and he felt a little awkward and useless, and then he felt useless about EVERYTHING... it was nice that the affection effect made her hold his hand and he was once again very sure that she was picking up his intense crush vibes because he kept emotionsharing these fluttery heart feelings...

then the party.......... lmao................................. all the never have i evers that she was getting upset about were the same ones that HE was quietly upset about, and watching her reaction to the "had a crush here that i didn't confess to" one he was like....... the logical side of him was very very sure that he wasn't that person for her, but there was also a part that really really hoped that maybe?? he actually was??? it was like, he'd always figured he didn't have any chance and he was okay just being friends, but it was different when he thought she wasn't interested in romance at all vs. now that he knew that wasn't the case. and now any rejection would feel a lot more personal.

when he finally got up the nerve to tell her it truly was like 80% because he thought she already knew his feelings and just didn't reciprocate, and he thought reminding her that there were people who loved her would be emotionally helpful since she was kind of a sad drunk mess by then. but also there WAS still a little sliver of hope... which promptly got destroyed lmao. the hanahaki thing freaked him out so bad and he didn't remember what any of the flowers were so he was just like UHHH HELP ARE YOU OKAY? DID I DO THIS TO YOU??? SHIT!!!! so he felt shitty and useless again and like wow no wonder i'm not who you're interested in!

the next day was extremely awkward but he tried to act close to normal as he could, because if they stopped being friends over this it would seem like the whole relationship had been shallow bullshit all along. so. he's still kind of in pain but pretending not to be and doing a pretty decent job of it, i think... and eventually he will be okay with it, and he'll try to keep being a supportive friend.

he just can't ever know that he actually had a chance and blew it lmao.