Plurk paste

papa lore: while papas father had been the one who had carried papas narrative against queer people papas mother was the real reason papas afraid to love. papas mother had been absent his entire childhood, the lack of motherly love that children needed to survive basically cause a wall to go up in papas mind. it made him feel unlovable. i mean seriously if one's own mother couldn't even love them then how were they to expect anyone else to love them? papa carried that narrative into his death and even after that. papa felt as though his and big terry's love hadn't been real, not just because they were two men but because papa felt unlovable. the reason papa felt so heartbroken when terry refused to leave with him is because it solidified the thoughts in papas head telling him he was a waste of space. terry had spent so long breaking those walls, showing papa he was loved in their own way because of course it was obscene for two boys to be in love. that meant terry had had to try even harder. he found salvation in the small things, something as simple as remembering papa's favorite color was more significant to papa than any grand gesture because it meant he was seen and remembered. when terry had died papa felt as though he had too. when they reconnected papa thought he would finally have his love back, he would finally had the water that he required for his flower to blossom. maybe that was the reason they would never work out. perhaps their relationship was simply just parasitic. maybe papa never even loved terry, maybe he just loved the attention. maybe papa just loved the feeling of being seen, it didn't matter who was giving him that attention. maybe terry was right for giving up on him.