Plurk paste

Hello, everyone

I spoke to Felix today. I really don't want to sugarcoat it, but we hadn't talked for months. I haven't spoken to <i>anyone</i> for months. I gave everyone my number, and my WhatsApp, and my Discord, and yet I still haven't talked to anyone. I truly, completely dropped off the face of the earth. I want to start out with saying I'm sorry. 

Felix mentioned that some of my friends were worried about me, and my heart aches for all of you. I am so, so sorry I was gone for so long. And I am so, so sorry that I treated you all so callously. I truly believe that no matter how you spin my actions, it was selfish to vanish like that. Especially because I left people that care about me so deeply

I don't really know how I can repair the damage I caused, but if I can provide you with anything please never feel bad for asking. I really do mean that, I feel terrible for having left so long. I do feel I've abused everyone's patience and understanding

I originally left because my mental health was getting really bad. I was dealing with horrible social burn out, and it got to the point where it was impacting other areas of my life. At the same time, it was getting so hard to deal with the almost overwhelming toxicity of the internet. I didn't have it within me anymore

While I was away, I felt a lot of that distress start to melt away. My anxiety started to get a bit better, I picked up old hobbies, and I even started education again. I started to find a bit more confidence in setting boundaries, too. It really allowed me to see a lot of things in a new light, and in these past two months I can't help but feel like I've changed so much. 

I think that, a reason why I struggled so much to come back, is because of how much I <i>have</i> changed. My family says it's hardly noticeable, but I do really wonder if that's true. I worry that, if I were to come back, I wouldn't be the same Vince you all knew me as. I feel that so much of me has changed, and I feel so anxious to share the person I've become with you all. I know, like with most of my anxieties, that I've probably imagined a large part of it

I'm remorseful that I let my fear control me, I love you all so much. I know that it really isn't acceptable, to hurt people because of how afraid you are. I'm sorry, I really am. It shouldn't be a habit of mine to vanish without any kind of communication. The whole time I was away, I felt so torn between coming back or staying offline. I was acutely aware that I was abandoning you all, and I just can't let myself do that anymore.

The longer I spent away the harder it got to imagine coming back to you. I was afraid to lay myself bare, I think. At the same time, the internet can be such a scary, angry place, and I was so afraid to come back to that toxicity. I really struggled with the idea of opening myself back up to it, but I hope I'm resilient enough to tackle it now. I care about you all so much, and it was beyond wrong of me to treat you the way I did, especially over such minor things. I hope I haven't caused you all too much trouble. I truly hope that