Plurk paste

今天，我要面對我生命中最大的挑戰，也是我這一輩子最大的恐懼。我從來不怕任何困難，一切問題總是一個一個來解決。可是這一次我脆弱了，一直想逃避，可是現在真的避無可避了。
這恐懼是從我幼時的一段痛苦的回憶開始。因為我天生左腿有缺陷、從我嬰幼兒時期學走路開始，媽媽發現我不對勁，所以在兩歲時我就被送進醫院做手術，可惜手術不成功，其中最難受的是醫生用了一根很粗的鐵棒子穿過我的左腳跟，再加腿上打了石膏，讓我完全不能動，對一個小孩來說，這個很折磨人的。當時的感覺是日子過得很慢，渡日如年。我記得那時候每一個晚上我都哭著入睡，因為很想念媽媽和姐姐們，我只希望她們能在我身邊，因為身邊都是陌生人。記得當時我的病房還有兩百多個小孩，他們的慘叫和哭聲都讓我很難忘，也很為他們難過，只希望他們趕快好起來，而我卻隱藏自己的痛，從不跟任何人訢說。
當我終於出院，我完全不會走路，我很害怕痛疼，但是要重新去學走路，這個過程帶給我很大的痛苦和陰影。其實這麼多年，我是靠我的右腿去支撐全身。這麼多年在舞台上又唱又跳都是靠右腿去支撐。每一次排舞或演唱會結束後，我的腿都痛得要命，只是我從來不讓人看見我痛苦的一面。這麼多年我只想把我最好的一面呈現給大家，只要大家開心，多痛也值得。
去年10月初我在排舞時，因為太拼了，觸及舊患，髖關節移位，在沒有軟骨的保護下，神經線被壓住了。可是也有神奇的時候，雖然我走不了路，但跳舞時我就不疼了，可能是因為跳舞讓我最快樂吧。
我忍受痛楚很多年了，現在已讓我無法正常生活。老天爺逼我要去面對，這麼多年在舞台上跳舞，其實是靠一邊腿去支撐整個身體，這一切都是靠自己的意志力。我記得小時候醫生說我是不可能跳舞的，所以跳了這麼多年可以算是一個奇跡了，我感恩我可以做了這麼多。我只知道沒有人可以決定我的命運，一切靠自己的努力，誰說你不行，你越要證明給他看你是可以的。現在我想把我最真實的一面告訴大家，我是真的害怕，害怕自己無法像以前般跳舞。可是當我走進這個醫院，我的態度已經變成我什麼都不害怕，我要勇敢去面對，不管結果怎麼樣，我都會欣然接受。我希望我很快可以回到舞台，大家越早看到我，那就越意味著我帶來了非常好的消息。希望你們可以等我回來。我也希望向大家傳達這份正能量。
態度決定一切。現在我就是一個女戰士，再次面臨一個大挑戰。人總有脆弱的時候，這是難免的，可是我們永遠要記住，烏雲過後太陽就出來了。不管怎麼樣，我會努力一步一步往前走，我知道我一定可以的。希望上天保佑我很快好起來，讓我早一點回來和所有疼愛我的歌迷、朋友們見面，讓我可以繼續在舞台上發光發亮，然後把我所有的故事跟大家分享。現在我是女戰士！我將要面臨人生新的挑戰和新的開始。我要重新練習走路，希望大家陪伴我渡過這個艱難的路程。現在的我更加需要你們。你們永遠都在我心裡面，永遠愛你們。我是萬里長城永不倒！

Today, I’m going to be facing my greatest challenge and biggest fear in my entire life. I’ve never been afraid to take on any challenges because I would just take everything one step at a time. However, this time, I feel vulnerable. I’ve always felt like escaping, but this time, it’s inevitable.
This fear started from a painful memory in my childhood. I was born with a defect in my left leg. When I was learning how to walk, my mom noticed that something wasn’t right and sent me to the hospital for surgery when I was just two years old. Unfortunately, the surgery was unsuccessful. The doctor inserted a very thick metal rod through my left heel, and I had to wear a cast during that time, which made it very uncomfortable. This was torture to me as a child because I couldn’t move at all. I felt like the days passed by very slowly. The days felt like years. I remember crying myself to sleep every night because I missed my mom and my sisters. I wished that they were around me because I was surrounded by strangers. I remember being around 200 other little children. I can’t forget their cries and screams. I felt bad for them and wished for them to get better soon, so I hid my own pain and never told anyone.
When I was finally discharged from the hospital, I couldn’t walk at all. I was afraid of pain, and I had to relearn how to talk. The process was very painful and traumatic. For most of my life, I’ve relied on my right leg to support my entire body. For so many years, singing and dancing on stage was also supported by my right left. After every dance practice or concert, my legs would be in a lot of pain, but I would never let people see me in pain. For so many years, I’ve only ever wanted to show everyone the best side of me. As long as everyone is happy, the pain is worth it.
During last year’s dance practice in October, I went overboard with practicing and triggered my old injury. This displaced my hip joint. Without any cartilage support, this placed pressure on my nerves. It was a miracle that even though I couldn’t walk, it wasn’t painful at all when I was dancing. Maybe it’s because dancing makes me the happiest.
I’ve endured this pain for so many years and now its preventing me from living a normal life. Now I’m being forced to face it. After dancing on stage for so many years, I actually only relied on one leg to support my own body, the rest was up to my own willpower. I remember that my doctor told me that it would be impossible for me to dance, so it’s a miracle that I have danced for so many years. I am grateful that I have been able to do so much. I know that no one can determine my fate, everything will depend on my own effort. The more that people say that you can’t do it, the more you need to prove to them that you can. Now I want to show you my truest side. I truly afraid that I won’t be able to dance like I used to. However, when I walked into this hospital, I changed shifted my attitude – I will not be afraid of anything, I will face it bravely, and no matter what the result is, I will gladly accept it. I hope that I will be able to return to the stage soon. The sooner that you see me, that means I will be sharing good news. I hope that you can wait for my return. I also want to send everyone this positive energy.
Attitude will determine everything. I am now a female warrior that is facing a huge challenge. It’s inevitable that people will be vulnerable, but we must always remember that the sun will come out after the dark clouds pass. No matter what, I will try to move forward one step at a time. I know I can. I hope that God will bless me to get well soon, and allow me come back soon to see all the fans and friends who love me, so that I can continue to shine on stage and share all my stories with you. I am a female warrior that is facing new challenges and new beginnings in life. I will need to relearn how to walk. I hope that everyone will accompany me through this difficult journey. I need you more than never. You will always be in my heart and I will always love you. I am that great wall that will never fall!