Plurk paste

A LOVE LETTER TO THE FSB AND MSS!

Now, look here FSB AND MSS guys. Get up! You got work to do! We have a WHEAT ISSUE!

PREFACE.

In high-school history class, we learned about a lot of dead guys, including Buddha guy, Mohammad guy, Aadi Shankaracharya guy, etc. One of my classmates asked master why Jesus Christ guy was not mentioned! The teacher replied that those who are in the text book really lived and we have documentary texts, hieroglyphics and sculpture evidence to prove that. Christ guy's existence is at best apocryphal. No evidence, no texts, nothing.

The master himself was a Catholic.

Enter LMAI!

I raised hand and asked him about this! He laughed and told, yes, it is true that there exists no historical evidence for the existence of Jesus but religion is a matter of BELIEF! Jesus has told that "YOUR BELIEF WILL SAVE YOU!" That is enough for me. Now, you are boys. When you grow up, you might learn more.

Next vacation, LMAI hit the Encyclopaedia and true! It was given in plain black and white. No historical evidence. The religion became widespread because it got royal patronage. All religions spread due to royal patronage. Nero used to burn Christians as whole-body-human candles for cozy candle-light dinners.

Somehow, later, Emperor Constantine of Constantinople (Istanbul) got himself converted into Christianity and this guy is the father of Christian religion, period. I was 16 years old when I read that.

RELEVANT MATERIAL

Now, we know that the basic qualification to become a politician and secret agent, even a policeman, is the ability to disbelieve everybody and everything. We second that. So, when I scream out loud that I have indeed descended from the old Tsars, you guys can disregard it by default. That is fine with us as it is just a 99% scenario! Even VP will admit that a 1% possibility always exists, always, that what I say might be true. No human can contradict me on what we wrote just now.

What will happen if Jesus hits Vatican City? Yes! Exactly! The Nuns and Monks are already running a spectacular show without him, right? Of course, they would request him to leave. His ideas of renunciation, in fact, total renunciation might not be liked and loved by head-of-the-state political priests and nuns, right? Yes! Especially so since the catholic church is the world's richest landlord. Who would want to sacrifice prime property real estate worldwide just because Jesus says so!? Yes, of course we understand the situation very well. But here, the issue is different.

Historically, there is no Jesus, period. But that never prevented you orthodox believers from reading Bore, eating flesh and drinking blood, right? Yeah, that is a matter of Belief! Right? Exactly! So, you guys believe what you want and let me believe what I want, fine? Thank you. Yeah, you can just pretend like SuperCountry and PsychoCountry that all we write is fiction. No evidence! you all say! I know it happened under orders from VIL........ long story........... hence VIL is considered a statesman by us and even though instrumental in creating your present prestigious infrastructure, braving War even, mustache guy, we consider only as a politician.

Fine, leave all that, let us get back to the point now.

You FSB AND MSS guys can treat me as a human with a fancy belief! We will all forget about the grandfather issue and will instead look at our problem in a humanitarian way. As I am an orphan, I appeal to you guys to help me on humanitarian grounds, period. Are we getting through in to your thick skulls? Hello! Understand?

Here, where I live, Someone has ordered a BAN on us! FOR EATING WHEAT! Will you FSB AND MSS guys believe this? Yes! True! I came out of incarceration in 2017, reached here in 2018, heavily drugged by train food/drink. (Cetirizine Hcl overdose?) Four men carried me from railway station to hospital in June, 2018! We were fully and partially unconscious for almost two months.

Then, some criminal politician from Roin Country ordered a ban on us eating wheat products! I love wheat flat-breads and that is my staple. I hate rice and have shunned it all my life. Now, here, if you go for wheat, immediately HUGE ISSUES START, TRIPLE WAYS.

1. Sometimes, I sleep like dead for 2-1/2 days at a stretch and wake up like the messiah only on the third day! Sometimes I can't sleep for 3 days at a stretch! I sit in front of the monitor like a zombie or just lie down on bed thinking what happened to me. Sometimes I get excruciating pain all over my body, pain-occurring locations rotating all over the body, depending upon the wheat brand! I use!

2. Socially, when I eat wheat, all locals display extreme hatred and displeasure to me. Shopkeepers quarrel unnecessary, taxi guys demand unreasonable money. The MUMMY curses and abuses me in home for no reason, along with infinite quarrels and fights, a total mess!

3. I develop warts, pustules and boils all over my body, like small pox! while we eat Wheat, and some of them remain, some fade away, some suppurate and break! We dream of fantasy trees with mirror-leaves and smoke-column trunks! We have nightmares and after waking up, has hangover the whole day!

All these vanish just like that! Magic! once we shun Wheat and start eating RICE!

Now, rice, I am sure we all like it, but personally, I prefer wheat, you know, yeah, thank you.

Hence, for the past 2 months, we have eschewed wheat altogether and is eating only rice! all the time! We hate doing that but health-wise and dream-wise, we are mostly fine. So, now, we have almost finished eating 10 kilograms of rice! (a little remaining).

Now, what I want you guys to do is this. Yes! Yes! no grandfather thing, no Tsar thing, right, okay.

On pure humanitarian grounds, I want you guys to FIND OUT who has imposed this BAN OF WHEAT on me. My guess is the APEMAN PRIESTO-POLIT. Technology provided by Tonaldo of SuperCountry. Another local businessman is also involved, per my sources, who has made a fortune by selling his wife and daughter to sexual slavery, torture and death. Other guys sell merchandise, this guy sells family! Boy! talk about preferences! This guy is providing ISP. Laptop is provided by SuperCountry. Hence, we take a short break now.

Please do your work, ok? Yes.

Now, we detectives and secret services have to work together hand in hand you know, yeah. This thing needs huge manpower and budget and it is beyond our means. Hence, I entrust you guys to find out who is behind this (99.9% Apeman Priesto-Polit only) and put an end to it.

Gosh, I need to eat Wheat. Can't you guys understand this? Do this for me okay? I owe you one. Later, in future, if you need any case solving, of course you may contact me and we will help you for free! Agreed? Done! Fine!

In the United Nations, Detective LMAI makes this motion. You guys and China second me, okay?

First, you tell them to stop adulteration and then advise them to lift the ban. If they don't oblige, just put a bomb or two to scare them, okay? yeah, what else can we do? Anyway, we all know that you guys have a lot of bombs in cobwebbed storages, unused and untouched for years, right? Better drop a dozen or two (not nuclear, okay?) once in a while for humanitarian purposes. Yes! Usually, we bomb others for wars and fights, right? This time, we will do it for peace, prosperity and health.

Let me christen a dozen small bombs as PEACEMAKER 1, PEACEMAKER 2 and so on........

When the remaining rice is over, we will buy high-risk wheat again, okay? If there are no issues, we will write that and you can stop bombing, fine?

But if they still impose bans and use adulteration, we will inform you and you guys can use bigger bombs that time, fine?

Yeah, that way, we will jointly do these things.

Now, tell me, do you think that I am crazy? or stupid? or truthful? or just funny?